My long time friend Russ has gotten me thinking today. Russ and I grew up in Boyscouts together. Yeah, that's right...I was in the Boyscouts. I know I'm a girl. Don't mess with me...I'll tie you up in a knot, put a splint on your leg and get you lost in the woods.
That's not the point of this anyway.
Russ wrote on his facebook status about feeling emotions of loss and sadness. And about really experiencing those emotions. And how it's okay.
Do you even know how hard I have worked my whole life to NOT feel those things? To push the grief down, to put the anger away, to hold the tears in...even when alone. It's not an easy thing to do. To avoid emotions is unnatural.
So, why do I do it?
Because I want to be strong. I want to be in control of myself. Because I want to prove to everyone else that I can handle all that life can throw at me. Because I am afraid deep down that if I let others see my weakness that they will chalk me up to having a weak faith.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
God created me in His image (and you, for that matter). He created me to feel anger, grief, joy, sadness, laughter, disappointment, etc. And they are His emotions. He has felt all of those things. He knows what my heart feels. He has experienced all that I have.
So, for me to deny myself these aspects of my Creator is the lack of faith. It is me telling Him that I don't trust how He made me. That I don't know that He will lead me through those shadows of death and doubt and fear. But when I allow those pieces of me to work I am trusting Him and His purposes for all that I experience.