When a Merry Maiden Marries...

As a 14 year old I wanted nothing more in this world than to be an actress. Somehow I would be discovered while buying candy at 7-11. From there, I would be whisked away to Hollywood where I would instantly be wed to Brad Pitt. After my first feature film the "Academy" would declare all other nominees to be unworthy of an Oscar nod compared to my amazing acting abilities. I would take no less than $20,000 for each film...come on. I was 14. What did I know about money?

In preparation for my life as Mrs. Pitt I took every opportunity to take the stage possible. One such role was that of a chorus member in Gilbert and Sullivan's "Gondoliers".

Here's the thing; I was sure I was way too good to just be in the chorus. Everyone made it into the chorus. I had to prove to these people that I was destined for greatness.

Somehow I was given a special part. No lines. No solos. Yet, still special.

During the wedding scene the bride Tessa sings a song.

When a merry maiden marries
Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries...

I was to sway to the song and act like I was happy for this awkward, off key bride.

Every flower is a rose
Every goose becomes a swan...

It was a very, very long song. But I had to wait for my big part until the end.

Worry is melodious mirth
Grief is joy in masquerade...

And finally it was over.

Tessa tossed her bouquet over her head. I was to be the one to catch those flowers. Out of all the chorus girls I was chosen for this important part. Boy, oh boy. This would build my resume.

Each rehearsal I caught the bouquet to perfection. I visualized this choreography constantly. I analyzed my character to insure that I caught them just as she would have. I had my role down pat. I would steal the show.

On the night of the performance I shook off the flittering fluttering butterflies that attacked my guts. Practice had made perfect.

The flowers flew through the air. They flipped end over end over end. And landed on the floor at my feet.

My heart skipped a beat. My face felt flushed. What was I to do?

I remembered one thing...all good actors can recover. So, I bent over, scooped up the bouquet into my hands. Last minute I thought I would raise the flowers over my head and wave them in victory!

Yea! I was getting married next! To Brad Pitt!

But there was one small problem. Well, maybe a big problem. Perhaps the biggest problem I would encounter on the stage.

The stems of the flowers caught the hem of my skirt. Lifting them over head caused my skirt to follow...over...my...head. To the full extent of my arms.

Realizing what had just occurred I lowered the flowers and did the only thing I could think of. I smiled like an idiot and waved.

Thus my most embarrassing moment was born. Many other mortifications befell my life. But I must say, this is the winner.

Tell me about your most embarrassing moment.

The best story gets...um...Brad Pitt.